my feelings for you
by bloodluva666
Summary: Phineas has feelings for Ferb and he's not sure if he should tell him. Ferb is dating Vanessa. F/V. one-sided P/I. P/F.
1. confusion

Summary: This is something that was running through my head. Mostly just, Ferb freaking out after he finds out that Phineas loves him. Ferb is dating Vanessa. F/V. one-sided P/I. P/F.

Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb and I don't know who does. The characters are out of character, I'll try and make them more in it. Takes place during the school year. The poems are mine. Oh, and Ferb talks a lot in this story. Sorry if your disappointed.

Legs entangled, arms surrounding a larger body, an entrance is entered, moans escaping mouths. "F-Ferb don't s-stop! Ahh-"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Phineas sighs as he sits up, having yet another dream about him and Ferb. He looked over to the bed that holds the object of his affection and gets up, turning the alarm clock off as he makes his way to the bathroom to shower and change. Lately he hadn't been talking to Ferb that much, making excuses about homework when confronted, really as he thought about it, he hadn't been talking to anybody lately.

Turning the water to cold, washing away the effects of the dream the red head thinks back over all the changes he had been going through: it had started out as dreams of him and Ferb just laughing and kissing he had brushed them aside, he hung out with Ferb all the time it was only natural that he would have some strange dreams for his step-brother. He was getting closer to Isabella but his feelings for her, that were supposed to be getting more friendlier towards her were actually leaving. He found himself watching Ferb out of the corner of his eyes, then thinking about him, and his face kept going red so often around Ferb that he just had to walk away, keep away from him.

Even then though, he still thought it was natural. It wasn't until he saw Ferb's lips on Vanessa's that he finally admitted his feelings to himself. The feeling of seeing them together comes harder and harder every time he thinks about it and when he sees it. He could feel his breathing speed up as his chest seems to push in, trying to suffocate him, his knees feel weak as if they are about to give out for his weight. Pulling himself out of his mind he puts the water back over to hot and washes himself, trying not to think. As he gets out of the shower, he looks at himself in the mirror, dark crevasses under his eyes because he doesn't sleep very well, he looks so pale, he looks down at his dark clothes that he now wears instead of his usual red(orange?), white, and blue outfit. He walks back into his room, grabs his backpack, trying not to notice as Ferb is stirring from his sleep because of his alarm clock, walks outside and sits down next to the tree.

**FERBS POV**

Her laugh is like music to my ears, her smile seems to brighten even the darkest days, she is mine. How did I get so lucky? The only draw back to my relationship with Vanessa, is that Phineas never talks to me anymore, well that can't be Vanessa's fault because he was distant even before we got together. No time to think about that now though, me and Vanessa are on a date, we're having a picnic. She can cook! I don't think that I could be happier than right now.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sitting up, his eyes scan the opposite bed, as usual and as always, it's already empty. Frowning he goes into the bathroom to shower and change then heads out to the kitchen for breakfast. He sat thinking as he ate his cheerios. What is Phineas's problem anyway? I don't know what I did, he says it's the homework that's preventing him from speaking to me, but it started over the summer.

Ferb sighs as he stands up and walks out the door on his way to school. Vanessa meets him a few minutes later and they walk hand in hand to Ferb's school. As they neared the school, Ferb spots Isabella's and Phineas's heads disappearing through the door. He feels a light tightening in his chest as he turns to kiss Vanessa goodbye. She smiles as she walks back home and Ferb walks into the school to look for Phineas before class. He looks until he hears the warning bell, then walks to his class after visiting his locker, making it just as the final bell rings.

**PHINEAS'S POV**

Switching his thoughts from his life's problems to his English class, everybody had to write sonnets, he smiled faintly as he imagined everyone's faces as he reads the sonnet he wrote. On that thought, he stood deciding to get an early start in school as he starts the walk knowing that Isabella will arrive, as always to walk faithfully by his side like a little puppy.

"Hey Phineas! Did you write your sonnet? I wrote mine on puppies" Isabella said right on time.

Random how that came up. Phineas gave her a small smile as he nodded showing that he had written his. And they walked on, Phineas in silence and Isabella chatting away about homework. Walking into the school Isabella said bye to Phineas and went to her locker as Phineas went to his, got his books and went straight to class, not feeling like walking around. He sat there with his head on the desk, a faint smile still on his face at the thought of the looks on everyone's faces. At the warning bell he idly wondered where Ferb was, then went back to imagining the facial expressions and comments, then hoping that Ferb doesn't tell mom about my sonnet. He lifted his head as the final bell rang and Ferb came hurrying through the door.

The teacher began droning on and on and on (like teachers do), and then finally got to the part where we have to read our sonnets giving us numbers, I am number 8 and Ferb is number 7. He sighed as he loses himself in his daydreams, deciding to let himself feel worse than usual, and stared at Ferb. When Ferb stood up to read his sonnet, Phineas decided to listen in and heard,

"This is the sonnet I wrote:

Her silvery laugh, leaves me smiling,

It makes me want to always protect her,

To keep her safe from her creepy father,

Thoughts of her has my fingers dialing.

Her long dark hair, feeling soft to the touch,

Not knowing I had these feelings she brought,

Her soft brown eyes, showing her quiet thoughts,

I am aware that I love her so much.

People may frown on our relationship,

Our love for each other is very strong,

Please think this through and not get it all wrong,

Us together is more than just our lips.

Us together is like clouds in the sky,

If we aren't together, I hope I die."

As Ferb finished his sonnet, Phineas was almost certain that he couldn't get up to read his. He thought that he was going to be sick, but then he started to think of the shocked expressions that were sure to come, making him stand up but he sounded almost dead even to his own ears as he reads his sonnet,

"Looking down at his bleeding wrist, he laughs.

The red leaking from the wound is his life,

It is leaving him, because of the knife,

Admiring his wrist, he stabs his calf.

Leftover scars, reminding him to cry,

The world is mean, why can't it let him be,

The blood runs faster, why can you not see?

His vision is fuzzy, why can't he die?

The blade is sharp and cold against his skin,

It is resting now, but he can still feel,

The remembrance of the blood, it was real,

Hating life, but still knowing it's a sin.

Wishing to die, his living is a joke,

One last slash, it will work, slitting his throat."

He looks up from his paper at the now stunned room, he smiles proudly, it really was worth it, but as he remembers Ferb's sonnet, he started to feel the usual tightness and feeling that his knees were going to buckle, but he held strong as he made his way back to his seat.

**Please review! And I'm sorry it's so short. The rest will be longer, I promise.**


	2. confession

Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas and Ferb or any of its characters, I do, however, own Mr. Bonesworth. And the poems. If you want to use this one or the one from the last chapter, please ask me.

**FERB'S POV**

The sonnet that Phineas wrote greatly disturbs me: (flashback-

Looking down at his bleeding wrist, he laughs.

The red leaking from the wound is his life,

It is leaving him, because of the knife,

Admiring his wrist, he stabs his calf.

Leftover scars, reminding him to cry,

The world is mean, why can't it let him be,

The blood runs faster, why can you not see?

His vision is fuzzy, why can't he die?

The blade is sharp and cold against his skin,

It is resting now, but he can still feel,

The remembrance of the blood, it was real,

Hating life, but still knowing it's a sin.

Wishing to die, his living is a joke,

One last slash, it will work, slitting his throat.)

When did he start thinking like that? I mean, sure he wears dark clothes now and he's all pale but when did he start thinking about suicide? He's quiet now, but is he suicidal? I never thought of Phineas as the suicidal type.

I'm over at Vanessa's house, she's trying to tell her mother about her father's newest ploy. I honestly, don't believe her, I mean come on, a platypus foiling all of his plans? I happen to own a platypus, and I know first hand that they don't do anything. But, I love her, so what can I do? I want to talk to Phineas about his sonnet, but he was in the counselors office the rest of the day and I haven't seen him since he was sent. He might be at home by now, I could talk to him unless he avoids me, as usual.

"Hey Ferb, what's on your mind?" Vanessa asked him as she sits down next to him and he wraps an arm around her shoulders.

"Phineas wrote a sonnet today that kind of disturbed me. It was about a guy committing suicide." Ferb sighed. "I want to talk to him about it, but lately he's been ignoring me and I don't know why."

"Well, you can talk to the counselor-"

"Yeah, what good would that do?" Ferb asked exasperatedly.

"And he can make Phineas talk to you" Vanessa continued as if Ferb hadn't interrupted her.

"A counselor can do that?" as Vanessa nodded her head he smiled, then frowned, "yeah but would he be in the room or would he leave and let me and Phineas work it out by ourselves?" Vanessa was still nodding as Ferb's smile grew and he stood up, bent down and kissed her on the lips, then ran out the door calling after him that he'd see her later. She laughed as she went back into the kitchen and tries to get her mother to believe her about her father.

**PHINEAS'S POV**

The stupid English teacher sent me to the counselor, he said we could write the sonnet on anything. The counselor, Mr. Bonesworth, then kept me in there the whole day making me talk to him about my life. My goal was to just give him simple yes and no answers, but that reverse psychology stuff works on me every time, and I found myself explaining to him about my dreams and feelings for Ferb. When I finished telling him all that, instead of being grossed out like he should be, he started psyching me on how I shouldn't bundle up my emotions and that I should tell Ferb how I feel, regardless of the problems it will bring up with him and Vanessa, and in our home and how much it will kill me just to hear it out loud, I already know that I don't stand a chance.

When the last bell of the day rang, I went to my locker, dumped my books and went to the park. Isabella caught up with me while I was there, and asked me what I was doing. I wasn't really in the mood to talk with her, so I didn't answer, I just sat on the swing and thought about what Mr. Bonesworth said. If I do tell Ferb how I feel, he'll be disgusted, but what if by some miracle he does feel the same way, what would happen with Vanessa? What would he say to her? He sighed as he realized he was getting his hopes up. What would I say? How would I say it? If I just come right out and tell him I love him, what would he do? What if he never talks to me again? I need more advice.

"And what about that sonnet you wrote today? What was up with that? Where did you get those thoughts from? I won't lie to you Phineas it scared me a lot when you read that, and what did Mr. Bonesworth tell you? And did you-?"

"Isabella, how do you tell someone you love them when you know they don't feel the same way?" Phineas asked, cutting her off.

Isabella was quiet for a few seconds. "Well, umm really all you should do is tell the truth. Just walk up to the person and tell them how you feel, and if speech evades you, then tell them with actions rather than with speech." she smiled proudly, happy that she had thought that up all on her own.

If I just do that, he'll come up with some excuse to stay away from me. "But what if you don't really want to tell them because your afraid that they will never talk to you again and don't like you anymore?" Phineas was panicking now, what if Ferb just gets up and walks right out of his life, he had a sneaking suspicion that he was going to turn into the guy from his sonnet.

"Well, if you think about it, then your going to find so many reasons not to tell them how you feel and you'll never tell them, all you have to do is clear your mind and speak. If you think then all you'll do is be filled with negative, all you need is one positive thought and clear your mind of all negative ones." Isabella smiled at him softly and said, "Why do you want to know?"

"I'm in love with someone, but I'm positive that they don't feel the same way and if I tell them then all they'll do is run away and never think of me the same way again! I don't think that I could stand that, no, wait, I KNOW that I couldn't stand that!" Phineas sighed as he thought of Ferb giving him a look that just screamed disgust.

"Phineas, that's your problem. All you do is think of the outcome. Do you ever think about their thoughts? They might like you, but they could turn you down because they think it's for your own good." Isabella sighed, "I have to go, my mom doesn't like it when I'm late for dinner."

As she walked away Phineas started to try and think positive, " Isabella?"

She turned around, hope filling her eyes, "yes, Phineas?"

"Thanks" he smiled as she sighed despair hanging high over her head as she smiled back.

"Your welcome. Anytime you need advice, call me." She said and walked home.

Phineas looks out at the park as she walks away, thinking about ways to tell Ferb about his feelings. 'Well you see Ferb, you may have noticed that lately I've been ignoring you, it's because I love you, but I didn't want to cause problems between you and Vanessa.' Oh, yeah. That sounds great! I can just imagine his facial expression now. If he knew how I felt, there would be no problems because he'd pick her either way.

He'd been out there for a few hours now and it was getting dark, so he headed home to get something to eat. As he walked through the door his mom stood up and asked where he'd been. He said something about the park and went into the kitchen, made himself some eggs and toast, then went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. As he was pulling his pajama top over his head, he started to feel a little dizzy. He then made his way to his room where Ferb was sitting up,

"Phineas, can we talk?" Ferb asked not looking very hopeful.

Phineas looked at his green-haired step brother, thinking about all that he had talked about with Mr. Bonesworth and Isabella. Sighing, he turned to his bed, "I'm pretty tired Ferb. It can wait can't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it can." Ferb sighed as Phineas laid down and covered his head to block out the light.

***********************************************************

Clothes falling on the floor, rolling around on the bed, bodies tangled together, tongues wrestling, a large thing filling a small entrance, moans filling the room, heavy breathing, opening of a mouth to call out-

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sitting up in bed, he makes his way to the bathroom to do his normal morning routine. As he was showering he started to think, if I'm going to get the cold shoulder from Ferb for the rest of my life, then I should hang with him for a little while first.

He went into his room, grabbed his backpack and went into the kitchen to grab some breakfast, something that he hadn't done since he started to avoid Ferb. He ate breakfast and then waited for Ferb to make an appearance in the kitchen. After about twenty minutes Ferb arrived, and sat down to have some cheerios. If he was surprised to see me, he didn't say anything. He still didn't say anything as he stood up to walk to school and I followed him, walking by his side. It was a comfortable silence, well at least to me it seemed so. Then, of course it had to be interrupted, Vanessa in all her dark glory walked over to Ferb, took his hand and kissed him on his lips. As his face transformed into a smile, my chest started to press in on me, my knees started to go weak, but I just looked down and continued walking.

**FERB'S POV**

I got up to the sound of my alarm clock, showered and walked into the kitchen for my cheerios. As I walked in, Phineas was sitting there I wondered what he was doing, but I didn't want to ask incase he left. So I ate in silence, and walked out the door on my way to school, and Phineas followed me as if that was what he wanted to do. I was surprised and kind of hopeful that he might want to talk, but I wouldn't know because just as it seemed to be getting more comfortable between us, Vanessa arrived and Phineas seemed to go distant again. So maybe, it was my fault that he doesn't talk that much anymore, I pay more attention to her than to him he might be upset because of that. I need to talk to him, I have to talk to Mr. Bonesworth.

"Hey, Ferb I have to talk to you." Vanessa said to me dragging me away from Phineas. He didn't have time to look back because the words out of her mouth stopped him, " Ferb, I think I know why Phineas isn't talking to you or anybody that much." as his eyes widened and he opened his mouth to ask why, she said, "he's in love with you."

"WHAT?! Vanessa, I love you and I know you have some issues with your father, but Phineas is NOT in love with me! He and Isabella are getting closer, haven't you noticed?" Ferb was incredulous, why would she think Phineas loves me? He watched as Vanessa shook her head, a frown on her face.

"There is nothing going on with Isabella and Phineas. She may think that, but he obviously doesn't think of her in that way and you said so yourself that he went quiet after we got together. And leave my father out of this!"

"No, he was distant before then." Ferb sighed not sure where she got these thoughts from.

"Actually, he got distant after you told him about me, didn't he? Then he started to get closer to Isabella, but then he went quiet and ignored everyone." Vanessa gave him a small smile, wondering how he was taking this.

Ferb, however was now lost in his thoughts. It was true that after he had told Phineas about how he thought he was in love with Vanessa even before he actually met her, Phineas had grown closer to Isabella and then more silent everyday. But, that doesn't mean that Phineas, my step-BROTHER is in love with me. Maybe he just doesn't like Vanessa, he can't love me, we are guys. He's straight, I know that. But, what if he does love me? How does he go through the day with me having a girlfriend and calling her everyday? But that can't be right, he doesn't love me.

"I'll talk to you later Vanessa, I have to get to school." Ferb sighed as he walked to school, trying not to think about her sympathetic smile.

His mind was still a blur as he walked through the halls on his way to Mr. Bonesworth's office . He walked in and looked at the guy, middle-aged, balding, ugly brown suit, crooked smile, always in the mood for a chat.

"Ahh Ferb, have a seat. What can I do for you today?" He always seemed so happy to see people, it's impossible to tell if he's actually upset.

"I heard that if I want to talk to someone, I can do it in your office. But I want to talk to them alone." Ferb was looking at the counselor seeing his reaction.

"Yes, that's correct, I can set that up for you. Who is it that you want to talk to?" Mr. Bonesworth asked as he picked up the phone ready to call the person in, though he seemed to already know who it was.

"Phineas, my step-brother." Ferb watched as Mr. Bonesworth dialed the number that would lead to Phineas to come down to this office so Ferb can ask him his motives for avoiding him. It took five minutes for Phineas to get there and then another three for Mr. Bonesworth to explain to Phineas what Ferb wanted to do, and then it took two minutes for Mr. Bonesworth to get his stuff and leave the room. Phineas looked at Ferb questioningly but now, Ferb was at a loss for words.

Do I love him? He is a big part of my life, it might actually work.

"Ferb? Are you ok?" Phineas asked, sounding rather out of place.

The sound of his voice made Ferb mentally shake himself, not believing what he had just been thinking. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Listen Phineas, I want to know why your avoiding me and why you never talk to me even when we are together."

There was a silence and then, "I don't know what you mean, Ferb."

"Don't give me that Phineas! I know that there is something going on. Is, is it Vanessa? Do you not like her?"

"Ferb, I think that Vanessa is great, she makes you happy. That's good, I like it when your happy." Phineas was looking down at his feet now, a soft blush settling on his cheeks, making Ferb sigh as he sat down across from Phineas.

"Is it, I mean," sigh, "Vanessa has a um theory. I think that it's ridiculous but, maybe it's right. I don't know." Ferb felt like a blabbering fool.

"What's her theory?" Phineas sounded a little nervous.

"Is it possible that you may, um be in love with me?" Ferb could feel his cheeks burning, he was shocked that they were still there. He pulled himself out of his mental reverie to look up at a flaming red face that was sputtering out random things. "Phineas?"

He looked up at me his eyes were watering, his face was still red, but his voice was even, "yes, I'm in love with you Ferb. I've been for a while now, I never told you because well one, you're my step brother and two your with Vanessa and three, I was afraid that you'd never talk to me again."

Ferb was shocked, he thought that I would never talk to him again? Is he insane? He's my brother! Step-brother yes, but we're guys so this is wrong. The fluttering in my chest at the way he looks so torn up right now, the tightening in my stomach, I might feel the same way. But wait, I can't! I'm in love with Vanessa, she's my shining star in a dark cold night. What can I say to this? Tell him, that I'm not going to walk away? Tell him, I love him, but I love Vanessa more? We can't be together. We're practically related!

"Ferb? I- I'm sorry! I didn't want to tell you. I wanted us to seem normal, brothers like we're supposed to be. But, I knew I had to tell you. It's selfish of me, but I don't like what ifs." Phineas said, then lurched forward, grabbed me by my shoulders, and kissed me full on the lips!

The kiss was rough but passionate, filled with emotions that he had obviously been bottling up. I tried not to like it, but I couldn't help but get lost in the kiss meeting his tongue half way and kissing him back with everything I had. This kiss is so much better than the ones I share with Vanessa!

Vanessa.

I broke the kiss, I turned to go, but not before I saw the his face, so lost and confused he looked! I didn't stop though, I couldn't. I have a girlfriend. I love her, not my step- brother. I can't! I ran from the room, the building. I wanted to run from my life! But I couldn't, it was either, Phineas, Vanessa, or death. I love life too much to give it up, I don't want to lose Phineas, I'm in love with Vanessa. I know that, but I don't know who to choose! I don't know if I want to choose.

Ferb made his way over to the park, sitting beneath a tree and seeing a Pentium poem etched into it,

I love him, but he loves her

I may be too late, but he doesn't know

Our days used to be filled with laughter

He's now with her, and I've never felt so low.

I may be too late, but he doesn't know

I don't tell him, because of fear

He's now with her, and I've never felt so low

If I tell him, will he still be here?

I don't tell him because of fear

I need him so much, but I know its wrong

If I tell him, will he still be here?

When I tell him he'll leave, it wont take long.

I need him so much, but I know its wrong

I don't want to see his look of disgust

When I tell him he'll leave, it wont take long

I love him a lot, but his reaction I don't trust.

I don't want to see his look of disgust

Our days used to be filled with laughter

I love him a lot, but his reaction I don't trust

I love him, but he loves her.

And below in a barely audible scratch it said written by Phineas.

Ferb sighed as he reread the poem. When did Phineas get into poetry? These poems he writes, they're really deep! I don't know why, but I can't get him out of my head! It's this poem! I just know it! It's making me think about him. I love Vanessa! She's my girlfriend. She is my one and only! I'm in love with her!

**LATER THAT NIGHT**

Sitting at dinner I look across the dinner table at a red-eyed Phineas. He had told their mother that he read a sad book, I can't believe that she'd believed him! He had tried to talk to me a million times so far, but every time I see him all I can think about is that kiss! I keep avoiding him, and my mind thinks of one thing:

Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa! I love her! She is my life! Phineas be damned!

I can't do this. I don't want to think of Phineas this way! Why did he have to kiss me? If he had just left it at words, I could deal. But now, I don't know what I'm going to do! I look down at my plate with all the food that I haven't touched, I stand up "I'm going to bed." then I go into my room and try to go to sleep.


	3. thinking about u

Disclaimer: I do not own Phineas and Ferb. I do own Mr. Bonesworth and the poems. Please enjoy.

**PHINEAS'S POV**

When Vanessa dragged Ferb away from me, Isabella walked over to me and started to talk to me about the homework that I didn't do. I tried to tell her that I didn't really care, but then Buford walked over and started to talk to Isabella so they walked away together, I wondered if they were together.

I was sitting in homeroom, thinking up a good excuse for why I was in the counselors office all day, then again it is the teachers fault, when the phone rang. After the teacher talked (and talked and talked) he hung up the phone, "Phineas? Mr. Bonesworth would like to see you." I sighed as I stood up, now what does that guy want? Walking down to his office, I was working on my yes and no answers. Once I walked into his office though, my yes and no thoughts went elsewhere, because sitting there was Ferb. At first I was mad, because what happened to teacher student confidentiality? Isn't he supposed to keep everything I say private? Then he started to talk and I realized that this was Ferb's doing, well I guess I should have known that he would figure out a way to talk to me.

When he finally left, I looked at Ferb questioningly deciding that he should start, since I don't know what specifically he wants. After a few minutes silence and he seemed to be having a war going on inside of him I said, "Ferb? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Listen Phineas, I want to know why your avoiding me and why you never talk to me even when we are together." That's all? He wants to know why I'm ignoring him? Didn't I say homework before? He is loosing it.

"I don't know what you mean, Ferb."

"Don't give me that Phineas! I know that there is something going on. Is, is it Vanessa? Do you not like her?" He sounded pretty desperate to know how I feel about her.

"Ferb, I think that Vanessa is great, she makes you happy. That's good, I like it when your happy." I could feel my face going red, so I looked down at my feet.

"Is it, I mean," he sighed, "Vanessa has a um theory. I think that it's ridiculous but, maybe it's right. I don't know." What kind of theory would she have? She is pretty smart. What if she figured out how I feel for her boyfriend?!

"What's her theory?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to know anymore.

"Is it possible that you may, um be in love with me?" I tried to just shout out no, but then I started to think about what Isabella said, his face was going red. I could feel my eyes filling with tears because of the outburst I knew was about to come. "Phineas?" He sounded quiet, unsure.

"yes, I'm in love with you Ferb. I've been for a while now, I never told you because well one, you're my step brother and two your with Vanessa and three, I was afraid that you'd never talk to me again." After I told him, I started to get unsure of myself, he was so silent. I didn't know what to do, I was filled with the things that Isabella had told me as I said, "Ferb? I- I'm sorry! I didn't want to tell you. I wanted us to seem normal, brothers like we're supposed to be. But, I knew I had to tell you. It's selfish of me, but I don't like what ifs." Remembering what Isabella said, _"if speech evades you, then use actions rather than words."_ So I lurched forward before he could say or do anything else, and then I put my lips on his. He responded to it! I was so shocked, but I started to put everything I had into that kiss, all my feelings as I pushed my tongue into his mouth, his tongue met mine half-way through his lips and he was putting a lot into that kiss as well, but then he pushed me away and ran from the room.

I was confused and feeling like the world made no sense. I left the room and went into the bathroom, tears falling from my eyes. I didn't return to class, I didn't do anything, but stay in a stall and crying my eyes out. I went home, and my mom wanted to know what was wrong, so I told her that I read ahead on a book we were reading for English and that it was sad. She believed me, and left me alone as I went up to my room. For an hour I was by myself in my room, when Ferb walked in. He saw me, walked over to his bed sat down, I stood up and tried to talk to him, but he walked out as soon as he looked at me! This was repeated a million times throughout the day.

At dinner, he didn't eat, he left early to go to bed. When I went up, a hour later he was asleep and calling out Vanessa's name. I couldn't sleep, so I got up walked over to my window and climbed out.

I walked around for what seemed like hours until I ended up at the park, starring at the tree with my poem on it. I remembered writing it after Isabella left yesterday,

I love him, but he loves her

I may be too late, but he doesn't know

Our days used to be filled with laughter

He's now with her, and I've never felt so low.

I may be too late, but he doesn't know

I don't tell him, because of fear

He's now with her, and I've never felt so low

If I tell him, will he still be here?

I don't tell him because of fear

I need him so much, but I know its wrong

If I tell him, will he still be here?

When I tell him he'll leave, it wont take long.

I need him so much, but I know its wrong

I don't want to see his look of disgust

When I tell him he'll leave, it wont take long

I love him a lot, but his reaction I don't trust.

I don't want to see his look of disgust

Our days used to be filled with laughter

I love him a lot, but his reaction I don't trust

I love him, but he loves her.

I then wrote my name at the bottom, but it was barely legible. I carved it in the tree with a rock. I didn't however, carve this other writing, what does it say?

I love him, but I love her

It's not too late, because I now know

Our days used to be filled with laughter

I'm with her, but why do I feel so low?

It's not too late, because I now know

He's told me now, but I'm filled with fear

I'm with her, but why do I feel so low?

Now that I know, why am I still here?

He's told me now, but I'm filled with fear

I need them so much, but I know its wrong

Now that I know, why am I still here?

Him or her, I don't know, it's taking too long.

I need them so much, but I know its wrong

What's wrong with me, why don't I care?

Him or her, I don't know, its taking too long

I love them both, I need them like air.

What's wrong with me. Why don't I care?

Our days used to be filled with laughter

I love them both, I need them like air

I love him, but I love her.

Written by Ferb.

WHAT?! He wrote a poem? Is this guy me? Does he seriously love me? But he loves Vanessa, she must be the her. It's not too late? Does that mean I still have a chance? He feels low, that does mean that I have a chance! Its so weird though, why won't he talk to me anymore then? It makes no sense!

"Why are you out here so late Phineas?" Vanessa asked, scaring me half to death.

"V-Vanessa?! You scared me! What are you doing?"

"I believe that I asked you that. As for me however, I am taking a walk in the park as I do a lot, I've never seen you here before though. Ah, I see you've found our Ferb's poem. Who do you think he'll choose?" Vanessa looked scary in the moonlight, but she had a soft smile on her face. She found the poem? What does she think of it? Our Ferb? Umm, isn't he hers? No matter how much I would like him to be mine, he's hers right now.

"Uh, I couldn't sleep. I decided to take a walk." I decided to ignore the other questions, hoping she won't bring them back up.

"But of course, our Ferb doesn't know both of his options thoroughly so he might just choose you to figure it out. Don't you agree?" Of course I don't have any luck. She sounds as if she could honestly care less, what does she mean 'figure' it out? I sighed, but stayed silent, not really caring how creepy she may seem right now.

"He doesn't know who he wants, but I do. He wants you, but he doesn't seem to understand that he can't have you when he's with me." she smiles and turns to go.

"Wait!" As she turns around I gulped. "Why don't you just break up with him if that's what he seems to want?"

"Because, I love him. I want him to be happy, just like you. But until he's done with me, I'm not going to leave him." she smiles, then turns around and walks toward her house. I watched her go, then turned back to the poem that Ferb wrote.

**THE NEXT MORNING**

There was no school, it was Saturday and I had stayed out all night just staring at the poem, reading it and rereading it. I didn't want to go home, because I'm wearing the exact same clothes that I wore yesterday so it may rouse suspicion. So I just stayed looking at the poem, memorizing every mistake and perfection that he had made while carving this. I wanted nothing more than to run back home and confront him about this poem, but I knew that he wouldn't talk to me so I stayed trying to find anything that would tell me what he was thinking besides that he was confused.

As kids started to show up, I began drifting towards the other side of town. No one seemed to notice me, so I was able to keep walking without anyone telling me what to do. After walking for a few more hours, a police car pulled over and took me home. My mom was in hysterics and my step dad was looking relieved. Ferb, however wasn't home. He obviously didn't care then, maybe I wasn't the he that was in the poem. Or maybe I am, Vanessa did say that I was. Well, he's not here so that proves that he doesn't care, and he's not talking to me. What does that make me to him? Maybe I should just die.

I went into the bathroom and locked the door, turned on the water, and walked over to the mirror where the razors are kept. I sighed, remembering my sonnet:

Looking down at his bleeding wrist, he laughs.

The red leaking from the wound is his life,

It is leaving him, because of the knife,

Admiring his wrist, he stabs his calf.

Leftover scars, reminding him to cry,

The world is mean, why can't it let him be,

The blood runs faster, why can you not see?

His vision is fuzzy, why can't he die?

The blade is sharp and cold against his skin,

It is resting now, but he can still feel,

The remembrance of the blood, it was real,

Hating life, but still knowing it's a sin.

Wishing to die, his living is a joke,

One last slash, it will work, slitting his throat.

I looked down at my smooth, pale skin on my wrist. I've never cut before, does it hurt? It might, but that could be easy enough to ignore because I know that it's a release. That's what everybody else says, so why can't it work for me? I watch closely as if it's a science experiment as I put the cold razor against my skin, and I pressed down as I ran it across my wrist. The blood screamed look at me against my white skin as I watched it ooze down and into the sink. I felt a slight sting as I ran it across my wrist again and again, the blood running faster and faster, as if it will never stop. I felt my vision start to go dizzy, and then a knock came at the door, "Phineas? Are you taking a shower?" It was his mother.

"Yeah, mom." I called out and put the razor down. I listened to her footsteps as she walked away. I rinsed off the razor, put it back where it was and started to rinse out the sink. I then stripped and stepped into the shower, as I watched my blood turn the water red and disappear down the drain, I could tell that this was going to turn into a habit.

**FERB'S POV**

I was searching for her. She was gone, but I can hear her! Her silver laugh is so musical, but it's sounds dull to me now. I called out her name so many times, but she never answered, all I heard was her laugh. Then, I saw a flash of red so I followed it and after a while, I was ready to turn back. The laugh was fainter now, but then the red stopped and it was, "Phineas."

I woke in a cold sweat, looking over at the bed across from mine, it was empty. Looking at the clock to be told it was 5:30 in the morning! Where was he? I sighed as I got up, I wasn't about to try and sleep again. As I was showering my mind was asking me if my dream was trying to tell me something. I mean, I couldn't find my girlfriend, but my step brother I could. Why would that be?

I got dressed, went down stairs and got some breakfast while listening to my step mother and father freaking out because Phineas wasn't home and hadn't been since last night. I finished my breakfast rather forcefully after that.

I had planned to go and visit Vanessa today, but instead I wanted to be alone so I made my way to the beach. As I walked along on the sand I started to think back through all the times I hung out with Phineas, and then I started to think about the times I spent with Vanessa. There was a lot more time with Phineas, but a lot more memorable times with Vanessa. All that me want to do is make more memorable time with Phineas, which made me frustrated! I love Vanessa!

Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa. Vanessa.

Vanessa. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas. Phineas.

AHH!!!!!!!!!!! I love Vanessa! Not Phineas! He's my brother!

_He's your step-brother. There is no blood relation, it's not that wrong._ A little voice inside his head said.

What the hell is that? Am I going insane?! Voices in my head, that means that I have to get therapy! Sigh, what are people going to think? Wait, no blood relation so it won't be wrong? What am I thinking?! I love Vanessa!

_You loved Vanessa. Face it Ferb, you've fallen for you step-brother. He can read you better than most people can, and you practically know what he's thinking most of the time as well. Vanessa is you shining star in a dark night, but Phineas is the cookies to your tea _(you get it? A British joke. Ha ha ha. Never mind).

I cannot believe that I'm going insane! This is the fault of them, I love them both I don't want to choose, but if this voice is right, then I will eventually pick Phineas. What will happen to Vanessa if I pick Phineas? Will she be hurt? Will she hate me? I do love her, I want to be with her, I……..

_No, you love her like a sister now! You want to protect her but your in love with your step-brother! Ha ha ha ha!!!!_

A laughing voice in my head, that's mental institution level! Great, a smart voice in my head that knows me more than I do! This is getting on my nerves, what should I do?

"Hey Ferb. What are you doing down here?" Vanessa said as she walked up to me wearing a black swimsuit.

As I looked at her, the usual light feeling that I get telling me that everything is right in the world wasn't there! I can't believe this! "Hey Vanessa. I just wanted to take a walk. What are you doing here?"

"My father brought me here, taking a day off from evil I guess." She looked over at a short, thin guy in a white lab coat that looked like he was loosing a war with an umbrella. I can't believe this, her voice that used to actually sound like angels singing to me now sounds like every other girls voice, maybe I do love her like a sister. "Oh, hey if your wondering where your brother is, the police brought him home like, an hour ago." That got my attention.

"Oh? So he is safe then? That's good. I was kind of worried about him." I was looking down at my feet now, I can't believe that she doesn't appeal to me anymore, so much for us forever.

A long breath escaped her lips as she looked down at the ground looking like she was having an internal conflict with herself, then she looked up at me and said in a very even voice, "Go to him Ferb. I know that your in love with him, I also know that he's in love with you. You don't love me in the way that you used to, your feelings have been changing, if they haven't already, I mean Ferb look me directly I the eyes and tell me that you love me the way that you have for a while, otherwise go to Phineas.

I sighed as I looked at her, she looked exactly like she always did and yet, so much different. I opened my mouth, "I- I-" sigh, "I don't love you. I want us to be friends now, I am in love with Phineas. I can't believe it, but he is the one that I want. I'm sorry." I looked down at the ground, all I wanted to do now is go home to see Phineas but I wanted to know how she feels about this.

She had a small smile on her face as she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine, after a few seconds she pulled back, "anything?"

I was confused for all of about ten seconds until it sunk in, "No, I'm sorry Vanessa. I didn't feel anything."

She laughed, then walked away calling over her shoulder, "Friends then, I'll see you later Ferb." I was shocked at how easy that was, but I wasn't about to stand here pondering this, I have to go find Phineas!

**I'll end it here, I'd like to thank you all that have read this so far. Really you haven't been following it because I put it all up together. But the next chapter is the last. Please tell me truthfully what you think of my story! **


	4. getting together

**The last chapter! I hope that you've enjoyed this story so far. It was fun for me to write. **

Disclaimer: I do not own Phineas and Ferb.

**PHINEAS'S POV**

I walked back into my room and laid down on my bed. After closing my eyes I ended up falling asleep, I knew that because I was with Ferb again. It was the type of dream that started this whole mess, we were walking down the street laughing then he turns to me, a very serious look on his face until his lips were on mine. It was a chaste kiss, but it meant a lot. Of course I didn't know that I was dreaming specifically then, but I could tell something was off. The scene changed and we were climbing trees and there was background music that sounded suspiciously like K -I -S -S -I -N -G of course, not to prove it wrong, we leaned over and began to kiss. His tongue was warm and light against mine, it was a soft kiss, longer than the last one, I felt like I was in heaven the man that I love was kissing me! Somehow I knew that it wasn't real but I didn't really care because at this moment, everything was fine, I was with Ferb he was looking at me like he actually likes me, and isn't disgusted. I was happy, at that moment.

"Phineas? Phineas, wake up. Wake up." An inhumanly gorgeous British voice said, and I could feel his hand shaking me. I opened up my eyes to see a green haired boy standing over me. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah, I'm awake. Barely but I'm awake." I yawned as I sat up, looking around wondering if I was still dreaming.

"Phineas, what is that?" He looked completely upset. I was confused until I noticed where he was pointing: right at my blood tinged wrist, I knew I should have worn a long-sleeved shirt. "When did you do this? Why did you do this?" he had tears in his eyes, I was incredulous! What did it matter?!

"Why do you care?! You won't even look at me, and now that I have a bloody wrist you want to talk? You know what? Screw you Ferb!" I stood up and ran out the door. I ran and just kept on going because every time I started to slow down I had a picture of every thought I had when I thought of Ferb's disgusted face and I saw the look on his face before he went to dinner the night before. I was about a mile out of town before I felt the stitch in my side, but I kept on going. I didn't want to get that far away from home so I navigated into the woods, I was a long way into the trees when I collapsed.

I don't know how long I laid there but, I finally started to think about how I'm going to survive on my own so I got up and started toward where I thought town would be to go and get a pack filled with stuff from my house. It felt like I was walking around the woods for hours, swatting at bugs until I finally heard some kids laughing and I stumbled out into the park. I was about to walk the familiar route to my house until I heard the voices of Isabella and Ferb, even though I couldn't see them.

"What are you talking about? I thought you were dating Buford?!" Ferb sounded rather upset.

"I am not dating Buford! Where did you get that idea? You know what? It doesn't matter, all I want to know is why you care so much about where Phineas is? Since when do you care anyway? The only person you ever care about is _Vanessa_, that slut that you are dating. You-"

"I was dating Vanessa. Lately though something's come up and I broke it off with her. And she is not a slut!"

"Oh, well isn't that convenient? Phineas is missing and your defending your girlfriend."

"EX-GIRLFRIEND." Ferb yelled.

"Fine, ex-girlfriend. But that doesn't explain anything. Why do you care all of a sudden?" Isabella sounded rather aggravated.

"Fine, the real reason?" I moved so that I could see them but they couldn't see me. I watched as Isabella nodded her head and Ferb opened his mouth again, "The real reason is also the reason why I broke up with Vanessa in the first place. I found out that another guy liked me and after I thought kept thinking about it I realized that I like him too." Ferb was looking down at his feet blushing.

Isabella had paled while he talked, "what does that have to do with Phineas?" She sounded nervous, like she already knew the answer.

Ferb looked at her weirdly, I couldn't place the look. "Phineas was the guy that said he liked me. I fell in love with my stepbrother. At first I thought it was wrong, then he ended up kissing me and I haven't been able to think about anything since then. I broke it off with Vanessa for him."

I was shocked. He broke up with her for me? But, what happened to if he can't be with her he'd die? (see the first chapter). Whatever, I have to get home.

"But I'm worried about him now, he's…… he cut himself. I came home to tell him that I loved him and his wrist was all bloody! I don't know where he went, he's gone! I've looked everywhere, the police are all over the place looking for him. He could be anywhere! I'm going insane!" Ferb had tears streaming down his face and Isabella was pale with tears in her eyes. She then turned around and walked away shaking with sobs.

There was no time to be curious about what was wrong with Isabella, because Ferb was turning around to walk away as well so I held my breath as I stepped out into the open and his tear filled eyes fell on me.

It was a long moment of silence until he rushed over to me and pulled me into his arms. "Phineas, I was so worried! Where did you go? Are you ok?"

"Ferb, I'm okay. You broke up with Vanessa for me?"

"Oh, you heard that, did you? I, well yeah I did. Phineas, w-why did you cut yourself?" Ferb still had tears running down his face, but he held a steady gaze as he stepped away from me to see my face.

"Because I didn't think that you cared. I thought that you hated me now, so I was hoping that the cutting could be a release. It sort of worked." I watched his face as his facial expression changes from steady to horror.

"Y-you c-cut yourself because of _me_? I'm not worth that! What were you thinking?!" He looked and sounded horrified. He obviously doesn't understand how much I love him.

"I'm sorry, but you _are_ worth it. I love you Ferb." I stepped towards him wrapping my arms around him, but he took another step away from me.

"Promise me that you'll never, _ever_ do that again. I love you too Phineas, and I don't want to lose you." He leant down and pressed his lips to mine. This kiss had more of a fiery passion to it than the last one did. All of sudden there was a large presence behind me and a sharp pain in my back, so I broke the kiss, "OWW!!"

"Are you okay Phineas?" Ferb sounded rather anxious, but I laughed as I turned around.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was a twig that stabbed my back when you pushed me up against the tree." Laughing, I broke the twig, grabbed Ferb and brought him back down for another kiss.

**A FEW HOURS LATER**

"OH MY, PHINEAS YOUR SAFE!!" My mother wrapped her arms around me and started to cry into my shoulder as she was checking me over for any scratches and/or bruises. When she didn't find any she laughed and said, "Phineas, why did you leave?"

I took a deep breath, this conversation will make or break the ice. "Mom, Lawrence, Ferb and I have to talk to you." I lead them into the living room where they sat down looking confused.

I looked up at Ferb as he gave me an encouraging smile, giving me confidence. "I fell in love with someone, and I thought that he didn't care. So I ended up cutting myself," I showed them my wrist making them both gasp, "and when he found out he asked me about it but I was still reeling from the, he hates me thoughts. So I ended up running away. But now, it's all been sorted out and we're together."

"Wait, if what your saying is right, then that means your, umm gay?" Lawrence said. My mother was looking like she was about to faint.

"Yes, I'm gay. I, well um. The main reason why I, we have to talk to you tonight is because, well…… the guy that I fell in love with and am now dating is, Ferb." I took a step back and held my breath, waiting for their reactions.

They were both pale now, but they didn't seem surprised. "When did it become official?" My mother asked. I was shocked.

"What? Your not horrified? Freaked? Wanting to kick us out?" This was too good to be true!

"Of course not Phineas, we well we pretty much figured that you two would end up together. Your always together and you know each other so well, so it's just not surprising." My mother smiled at me. Then they both stood up and hugged us. Laughing, Ferb and I walked up the stairs together.


End file.
